Steps to a new life – 230 Days

A friend of mine recommended a self-help book, which he said helped him a lot.

He insisted that I should read it.

“Okay.” I said, and promptly forgotten about it.

“Did you read the book?” He would ask.

Week after week the answer would be no, until today, finally.

I read it.

It was for a lack of better words, utter bollocks to me. Perhaps it had helped him, so instead of bashing the book – I decided to reflect upon the 20% of the book I had agreed with – and at least, the book facilitated new thoughts.

Stress in your life is unavoidable, however, you could decide which type of stress you’d have to deal with – and in the book the author kindly pointed out that every time that one is not being true to oneself, the subject’s stress levels predictably goes up.

So, are you stressing over the right things?

I examined my current situation with my work and the people around me – not exactly.

If I was being true to myself, I would drop A, B, and C worries and carry-on, because A, B, and C are in fact created by me not being able to be authentic and not knowing how to say “no” properly. Ah.

So I thought, if I was completely free – then what would I do next – and no, not the temporary, I’d jump on a plane and go XYZ, no I’ve only returned and it clearly did not workout – I began googling instead, it was an aha moment – what I should’ve been doing a long time ago – look for Internships in Europe – see what my prospects are like in the future – why hadn’t I thought of this before? Because why? I was scared of knowing or rejection?

The book, although redundant in many aspects, also made me write down on paper the things I wanted in life, and of course I wrote the following:

“Excitement, adventure, new experiences, change, growth, connection, friends, love, my own space, importance, Northern Europe, sophistication, surrounded by art, wise, loved.”

I look back at these words and all I can say is that those are the things I value in life – or the ideals of a good and happy life – though it is not intrinsically meaningful life – because, as another friend recently reflected:

“It doesn’t matter who you are, you’d still have to pay your bills and take out the garbage and grocery shop.”

You fall into the mundane.

But when I was traveling I also read another article.

Time unfolds and elongates when you break the routine.

Everything becomes more vibrant and meaningful.

I’ve experienced that first hand.

Yes of course, life is a balance of the two.

But as I like to think of it.

It isn’t really how many breath you take in this life, but how many moments that take your breath away.

If I were to examine and compare what made me happy versus my current situation, I can see the clear difference.

One is living, the other one is existing – of course I could go more in-depth but that would be a waste of time since I had played out different scenarios in my head over and over and still have no idea what to make of it.

So until I can word the story properly.

It will remain story for another time.

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