Cut the bullshit, there’s nothing you want here.

I’ve been back for a week and if I was very honest with myself.

Aside from monetary compensation, to say that anything else keeps me here would be a lie.

Nothing appeals to me about this place.

Not sure if it ever did.

“If you be good, then good thing will happen.”

That is a lie.

If you be good, and do what you’re told – you’ll be good, look good in other people’s eyes. But is that what you really want?

What about what you truly truly want deep down?

You’ll never have it here.

Looking through Facebook memories, I’ve began to realize, this was already an issue on 2011.

The daily grind and the “sameness” I’ve grown to detest. It just never changed. I never had any frames of reference that it could be any different – I was stupid, and I still am.

I tell myself at least I’ll be home for Mother’s Day. At least I’ll spend that time with my mother. I honestly don’t know how many more Mother’s Days I’ll be willing to spend here and how meaningful it’d all be since I wouldn’t cherish my time here.

I’m doing what I have to for the time being. However, when I think of coming back again in coming months, I can feel myself cringe ahead of time.

Good times always end – but does it have to?

No it doesn’t.

It doesn’t if you give your all to build the new.

Quite frankly, I’m at a point where it’s more favourable to learn 2 new foreign languages and be in Europe for the rest of my life.

I have so much passion for that continent, compared to the lack of desire here.

And for that reason I must persist.

The inspiration behind working anywhere

This is a picture I took at Schloss Schönbrunn of me, well, working. My phone prompted important emails for me to answer and I thought, since I had my laptop with me, why not sit down and type it out – as it’s way faster – so there I was, sitting in front of one of the most important architectural, cultural and historical monuments in Austria and typing away.

How totally North American of me to work on “vacation”, or so my friends would say.

The thing is though, I used to dislike when I was contacted during my personal time, however now I realize that comes with any job – there are going to be emergencies, there are going to be times when there’s no choice but to plop down anywhere and deal with the situation. Instead of shrinking away from the responsibilities, one must be prepared to take care of them no matter where they were.

So if this was already the case, why couldn’t you work for yourself anywhere? The principle is the same. Only you’d be in direct line of communication with clients rather than management etc. and in which case, it might just be easier since emails are not passed on and issues could be dealt with first hand.