Cut the bullshit, there’s nothing you want here.

I’ve been back for a week and if I was very honest with myself.

Aside from monetary compensation, to say that anything else keeps me here would be a lie.

Nothing appeals to me about this place.

Not sure if it ever did.

“If you be good, then good thing will happen.”

That is a lie.

If you be good, and do what you’re told – you’ll be good, look good in other people’s eyes. But is that what you really want?

What about what you truly truly want deep down?

You’ll never have it here.

Looking through Facebook memories, I’ve began to realize, this was already an issue on 2011.

The daily grind and the “sameness” I’ve grown to detest. It just never changed. I never had any frames of reference that it could be any different – I was stupid, and I still am.

I tell myself at least I’ll be home for Mother’s Day. At least I’ll spend that time with my mother. I honestly don’t know how many more Mother’s Days I’ll be willing to spend here and how meaningful it’d all be since I wouldn’t cherish my time here.

I’m doing what I have to for the time being. However, when I think of coming back again in coming months, I can feel myself cringe ahead of time.

Good times always end – but does it have to?

No it doesn’t.

It doesn’t if you give your all to build the new.

Quite frankly, I’m at a point where it’s more favourable to learn 2 new foreign languages and be in Europe for the rest of my life.

I have so much passion for that continent, compared to the lack of desire here.

And for that reason I must persist.

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