“My life is so pointless.”
I was walking around in the farmlands surrounding where I’m staying when my phone went off with the message. The message was from a friend who’d just passed her end of year exams – intuitively, she should be celebrating.
I asked her: “What’s wrong? Didn’t you do well and graduate?”
She said yes, except now she feels that her life is pointless because all of her energy is not focused on achieving passing grades but completely dispersed in “overwhelming uncertainty”.
I told her I knew the feeling. I mean, aren’t we all a little lost at times?
Except then she went on and start listing all the reasons why she’s worrying. She didn’t believe she had any other skills or abilities other than the ones she’s just graduated with and the world is a big and scary place.
I told her to pause for a second and reread what she just wrote me and asked her: “well yes, but where did you gain your skills? Didn’t you gain them by actively pursuing goals, whether through fear of ‘what-if’ or genuine “interest” in getting better at whatever you were pursuing.”
Plus, how did she know she was only ‘good’ at the skills she thought she was good at. I told her it’s also important to develop other interests and expose herself to new experiences so she’ll be inspired to take on new challenges that made sense for her.
I told her, I’m the same. I don’t particularly know what I want to do yet but everyday I’m trying something new, even if it’s pondering on an idea from another perspective – trying to come up with new solutions to problems even if that makes me improve only marginally – and if the next day I come up with an even better solution then I’ll scrap the last idea and implement the new.
And then I told her. I’m just as scared as she was of the future, but that’s no reason to freeze in fear. What am I actually doing in foreign lands rather than staying put in comfort? It’s because I see potential – whether it be being scared out of my elements and come up with something new to adapt. I see the freedom to make mistakes and I can’t and won’t judge myself harshly for them, because I’d have no idea how things work in the first place.
But the most important part of this all is in knowing that I had changed my circumstances, whether be it good, or bad.
I’m throwing myself in the face of change and changing how I want to be.