What did I really want?
All I wanted was a blueprint.
In various points of my life, I was desperate for a guide – something to tell me how to conduct myself, to get over the next hurdle – just to get over it. I wondered why my life was going the way it was, why that despite trying so hard, I wasn’t seeing any results or getting any closer to where I wanted to be. Many times, I’d thought of myself as incapable of overcoming certain challenges, and undeserving of the life I truly wanted. Who would give me a chance in anything? Who was I to deserve things only highly capable people deserved? Why was life so hard? It seemed impossible. I am nobody.
Now, fast forward five years later.
I am nobody.
Though the status doesn’t bother me at all. The status simply means I’m free to do anything, with unlimited potential at my disposal. I had to shed tears, reexamine everything, still – at the end, I’m here with a clear list of what I want and what I do not want. After I realized its okay to not want certain things most people would want, my vision became clearer, because I was able to erase the distractions and focus on things I truly valued and I slowly, I learned about myself in ways if I hadn’t ever pushed for, I would’ve never thought possible.
So what do you really want vs. what you’re conditioned to think you want?
Because the truth is, you’ll never get the former if you pander to the latter. It’s an either or question. It’s not about making nice or at least for me, there’s no meeting point between traditional expectations and my aspirations.
Take a moment to look at them and erase your can’ts.
I guarantee you, there are areas of your life that’s generating ‘noise’ and by ‘noise’ I mean better purposed minutes, or even hours. Minutes and hours wasted – that doesn’t seem like a lot, but if you’re looking at it from a piggy bank’s or credit card bill at the end of them month perspective – it adds up.
I encourage you to take those moments, reevaluate, make sure your life’s values align with the effort that you’re putting in.
I was running in circles desperately searching for ‘the blueprint to happiness’, without realizing I had the wrong idea what happiness was. And now looking back, if what you’re doing brings no joy, or doesn’t get you closer to a satisfied life – just say ‘no’ and no excuses. Because everyone deserves to have their happiness – that is, if they dare.