everything free falling to place

“When you let go all your doubt, everything will fall into place. Let go and trust.”

I just got off the phone with a potential employer, which is quite odd. I’d only started looking for work again yesterday.

Maybe it’s the season.

Maybe it’s just my luck, but it seems like I’m not going to be idle for too long in terms of finding something temporary to occupy my time other than my own side projects.

What I did find amazing is that, through letting go and setting a deadline for myself. I’m actually more motivated and more interested to get out there and do things and less interested in those who only seem to see their immediate situations.

Well, I shouldn’t technically judge, since I was there not too long ago.

“This place is boring, people are the same, everyday’s the same, I don’t know what to do… I’m going insane.”

Yes, that narrative I’m sure many people have had but done nothing about – because everyone’s trapped in the same mindset – the other day, I was at the train station – there were about twenty other people around – when one of them spoke up to the crowd and asked a very simple, ‘where to wait for bus ‘x’’ not only no one spoke up, they did very little to acknowledge their existence.

No one even moved a hair.

Then you could see his struggle.

The insecurities he must’ve felt from the crowd about his own existence, his own presence as a human being.

Then he started to get loud, his arms flailing as if trying to get this numbed group of twenty people to notice – except then, that’s when I took off my headphone and answered him.

“Thank you.” He said. I smiled and went back to doing what I was doing before.

My music, the feeling of the sun against my skin, my thoughts, what’s wrong with the picture, why it was unsettling in a way…no one helped…why? 

And then I realized and it’s hard to break through that conundrum on what’s really wrong with the picture.

When you’re trapped in the situation itself, it’s hard to see from another perspective. And of course there are ‘sound’ advices coming from all sides of your social circle telling you out of good will on how you should navigate your reality, and live.

“Get money, pay rent, eat, repeat.”

That sounds a little sad to me, honestly. As I told my Belgian friend, who’s unfortunately leaving my city in Autumn, “I really don’t think life should be lived in one place. You should live and see as much of the world as possible before you can’t anymore.”

And he agreed. Luckily, I have a chance to visit him soon enough in Europe.

And in that I realized, the greatest gift a human being can give to another is: their time.

Not only are you letting someone into your life, but you are sharing the time with them and no one else. In social situations people validate each other’s existences and create unique experiences through that shared time.

Which made me realize why I’d always hated when time’s wasted on the mundane. Because, time lost means memories making opportunity lost – when everyday is a routine, you are essentially telling your brain that there’s no alternative to what you are currently doing while your brain essentially die from lack of novel experience…

Yes, neurons die everyday.

However there are methods of preventing cognitive decline, such as healthy eating, exercise, seeking out new experience, learning another language and meditating…

Hence, the cubicle lifestyle seems really, really flawed.

Trading in hours in menial tasks you can’t give too much about just so you could be ‘compensated’ for your work, more like compensated for your life.

That’s another word that gets to me.

“Compensation”

In my mind, compensation is related to some horrible experience, as in “I’m hurt by someone and the law dictates that they pay.” – compensation.

Well…think about it.

Hence from now on, the goal is to be a collaborator, a contributor and not an ‘employee’. I don’t work ‘under’ anyone – as I’ve boldly told one of my potential employers over the phone. “Under” implies inferiority and I’m not.

And then I realized something else – this outlook, this courage to ask for what I want was essentially what I’d been wanting to do all my life, but lacked the courage to do so because ‘nobody else did’, it’s ‘unheard of’ and friends and family would be quick to tell me that’s not how to world worked because of XYZ.

Not anymore.

This becoming bold, making the leap ended up shaking up the whole perspective – it became the realization, that I don’t have to follow some unspoken rule. It became if I can do X – then Y – then Z then I can learn to live on the edge and be present, conscious and independent.

When I told my friend, 70 days, even she said, “that’s soon!!” and to think of it, that was technically, two days ago if we’re counting from her timezone…

69 days (roughly 2 months and 10 days) translate to 1656 hour. And when you start to frame time by the hours rather than days, or month, you start to realize how pressed everything really is and the best time to start anything you want, is now.

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4 thoughts on “everything free falling to place

  1. Such an awesome post. Really makes me put some things into perspective. It sucks feeling “stuck”. It’s almost as if you feel lost and you question what is life really… at least for me. *plots escape plan* lol

    1. Thank you! Yeah, everyone’s take on life is different. We’re brought up differently, with different heritage, attitudes, tastes and aspirations. But the thing I found universal is that those who pursued their passions courageously were a lot happier than the ‘sheep’ in the cubicles. It took me a long time to understand and get over the whole safety net idea, of working until 65 and retire. You can want things that are not available in your immediate environment, and it just means you just have to go figure out a blueprint and get what you really want. That’s all.

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