Ending March on this note – a confessionary note no less.
There’s only a few times have I ever felt undeniable passion for someone.
This is of course a blessing and a curse in itself.
My friends all tell me I have high standards – which is very true, as I do not believe in wasting my time with those I’m not even attracted to in the first place – but on the other hand, this means I don’t give people chances if the first impression’s off.
Now, for the longest time, I thought this was the case – until…I saw exactly what I wanted standing in front of me, no explanation or advertisement required – I saw and I was just smitten. You could say this certain individual fit my ‘type’ and swept me off my feet thereafter, alas the ending wasn’t peachy. The fact that it ended left a bitterness in my heart and yet somehow despite everything, I still believed in some sort of miracle would happen – because which girl doesn’t want to believe that true love prevails in the end and the curtains fall when you meet the one?
So there I went, recklessly off. What I found wasn’t what I was looking for, but lo and behold something that temporarily cured me and taught me that even a picky person like me could meet her match more than once. But of course, here’s the catch, whenever this happens, it’s always somewhere other than the city I live in…
Needless to say, this does not add brownie points to the city I’m currently in – the feeling of utter disinterest has me submerged yet again – nothing feels ‘right’ and I find myself not ‘caring’ about anything other than just ‘getting through’ the day as if I’m consciously trying to numb myself – I know, I know this is not healthy at all – which is why I’ve went on more walks than I would’ve normally and went around shooting things in nature – where I can find my peace of mind and be creatively engaged at the same time.
And as I did this, I realized one crucial thing. It all has to start with me. If I’m not happy with something, I should change that mindset. Life is so much more than just romantic love – there’s so much more to discover, so much more to do, or in my case, so many more things to learn, see, embrace than just a person who I’m infatuated with. And the more I think about this, the more I’m glad I’m living the single life and not tied down to anyone – why? Because it means I have the time to build myself up to the person I always wanted to be and not worry about if that person’s okay with me doing that and perhaps not giving them much of my free time in the meantime.
I do believe in true love and I do believe this is not something one could explicitly seek for. The way I see it, it creeps up on you and it might not even be as explicit as love at first sight – but love in its many expressions will always prevail, and when it’s true – it will prevail and workout, then that person will show you why it’s never worked out with anyone else before.