Without honesty in the beginning what would the rest of the journey be?
I had been pondering this question for the better of today, starting in the morning where I’d woken up with the dread knowing that another project of mine was due later this evening. I instinctively knew what was happening and what was going to happen – I was procrastinating in every action, from getting out of bed, to eating my breakfast in slow motion, then getting sleepy after breakfast, skipping my workout and – well you know the rest.
What should’ve taken me an hour or maybe two to complete ended up taking me after 7 pm after much pep talk and junk TV to even begin.
I’ll be honest with myself and say that I’m less enthused about this school thing now that I’m actually in school and working on project after projects. I’ll also be honest with myself and say, the projects are not rocket science, they just need my undivided attention. Which I am apparently very reluctant to provide. And logically, for no good reason.
Needless to say, I’m very disappointed in myself after I finished the assignment because I realized I’d just done what I dreaded the whole day.
I wasted a whole day for what? Dreading the assignment when I could be doing something else, productive?
This is the outcome with the fear, fear of not being perfect enough on the assignment if I had started earlier in the week, or in the day even. Fearing of spending too much precious time on it when I could be doing something else – but of course my actions proved to be the least bit helpful, not only did I rush through the assignment, the readings and exercise did not sink in all that much, because at 7pm I was so anxious to finish everything, I rushed – so it’s a double whammy when it comes to productivity and studying altogether. Now that I’ve illustrated my horrid studying habits, it’s time to make small changes such as sticking to the schedule whether I ‘feel’ like it or not. Plan important things earlier in the day rather than later and actually do them rather than stare at them and be paralyzed with anxiety.
Remember, when you face your fear, you reclaim the power that fear has robbed of you.