Let’s rewind back to the previous evening, where I was all gung-ho about making the decision, the jump towards freedom, the grab for the figurative remote control that dictates whichever channel I’ll be tuning into for the next couple of months. I had every reason to believe I hate my job (and I still do, except for the monetary incentives that glues me there like a flytrap). Needless to say, this morning I was all pumped up about dropping the Q-bomb to my boss. I was characteristically non-nonchalant as I entered my workplace, but also anxious about whether or not I should just tell them and leave (but that’d be a waste of commuting time) or sneak it in during lunch and here is where things began to go amiss.
Coworkers and supervisors were quick to express their delight in seeing me at work, bright and early too – and work was assigned almost instantly. So far, not good.
As I busied myself with mind-numbing work (like usual) and yawned through my morning (like usual). I began to reconsider my decision. Does quitting your job really have to be that drastic? I had, before envisioned somewhat of a Godzilla taking over Tokyo scene, where I would breeze into work (or stomp if I was Godzilla and trample everything in sight bwuahaha…) then fire off my discontentment in ‘&@*&!@##’ like there’s no tomorrow then flip my hair, stomp on my heels and leave, in style no less.
However, reality proved to be crueler than cruel when it came to the little script (‘how to quit your job like a boss’) I’d dreamt up in my head. In reality, I felt myself being herded along, like some statistically insignificant sheep atop of some remote mountain in New Zealand going ‘baaaaaaaah, baaaaaaaah, grass’ – irrelevant. Irrelevant is exactly how I felt. And at that moment my brain shut down again. I can’t for the life of me figure out how I had made it through 8 hours of that again with the comfort in knowing, 2 more days until the weekend and ten days until the next payday. Apparently, that’s how I trick myself into going to work these days – think about the payday – think about what you can do with the $$ – the freedom you are trading now equals to the freedom you will receive at a later date, when you have enough $$ in your account to help you make that kind of decision. Because isn’t that what money is all about anyways? A converter that turns pain/displeasure multiplied by time into something you cherish (better yet, unforgettable experiences that makes hardship and hard work all worth it?)
But does it really have to be this way – is the question I ask myself.
And realistically speaking – yes, it does – at least for a little while longer. I tell myself this because while I have a budget worked out in my head, there is no telling if I could mentally sustain this job for the next ‘x’ number of months, not only because it is mind-numbingly boring, but today at work – there were whispers of potentially moving the office to another municipality – and quite frankly, I’m not sure if I’ll be okay with that. I’m not sure if my coworkers will be okay with that, but there’s so much going on within in the workplace that just screams – get with the program, or else you are out ( is it any wonder, I’m so anxious about jumping ship?). So, in conclusion – I’m just going to try to enjoy it while it last and if one day, I’m really, really fed up – which I casually predict to be the end of this month, then so be it – I’ve got better things to look forward to, and bigger fishes to fry.